Monday, May 12, 2014

Review: Shutter #1



The first thing I like about Shutter: it starts on the inside front-cover. It's a great visual, and it uses the comics form in a natural and fun way. Astronauts! Moon-running!

The second thing I like: the credits, running mid-page across the first several pages, all Wes Anderson-like, giving us tour of the wallways of the Kristopher family. They're explorers and have been for generations, but like The Royal Tenenbaums shows us a once-great family at a low point, the this family of explorers has (for now) dead-ended with Kate Kristopher, a 27-year-old former writer and explorer who sleeps on her couch in the clothes she wore the day before. Unlike Tenenbaums, there's not a lot of charm or just-under-the-surface potential visible to keep me engaged in whether or not this family rebounds.



My biggest engagement problem is Kate Kristopher herself, the hero of Shutter and another entry in a long line of main characters who are too cool for school who can't be bothered to engaged in their world, or their story. "Did you get my voicemail?" her roommate asks: "Kinda, nope."

"Are you her? Kate Kristopher? Oh my gods, oh my gods, oh my gods," exclaims a young fan on the train: "Um. Hello. Thank you?"

"Life got pretty boring," Kate says, explaining both her malaise and the reason why she stopped writing about her adventures. Obviously that's not the truth -- a few pages later we learn that Kate's father died ten years previous, and we're led to believe this is why she stopped her adventuring ways.

Ghost ninjas attack Kate as she visits her father's grave -- a nice almost-splash page -- but again, we're reminded right away that Kate is so over this: "You think I'm helpless? I've seen some shit. I've led a life."

In the issue's backmatter, writer Joe Keatinge credits Corto Maltese, Tintin, and T.E. Lawrence as inspirations. That's a great pedigree, and Shutter begins in New York City in a world reminiscent of all of the science-heroes and explorers of pulp comics and magazines past. It reminds me of Alan Moore and Gene Ha's Top 10,  and the art by Leila del Duca and Owen Gieni feels lived in, artful, and fun.

A simple but swell touch: A swell touch: a minotaur getting off of the train ahead of Kate, after having seen him riding the train next to Kate on the previous page. Gieni's colors look almost watercolored at times, and the flashbacks to Kate's youth are dot-colored like old comics.



Keatinge's language also has moments of fun cadence: "The annual report is everything's everything as it always is." But occasionally the panel and page transitions are confusing -- scarves on scarves with a little gutter in between is jarring.



Kate's ghost-ninja fight takes her out of the cemetery and to ... somewhere else? It's just as likely to be "outside the cemetery gates" as it is to be "suddenly a parallel dimension." The problem with a world so wide open is that there's no solid ground beneath my feet by which I can say, "Obviously, they have tumbled out onto the sidewalk, where Kate encounters some kind of tick-tock-man riding on a griffon-powered junk castle." I could just as likely as "Obviously, the touch of the ghost-ninjas has phased Kate into another where & when entirely," and the fact that the issue ends rather suddenly with another splash page makes it impossible to decide which is which.

We're also left with a revelation that Kate has siblings -- but it's unclear if those siblings are remaining off-page, or of the ghost-ninjas are possibly them? Or if the ghost-ninjas are just the tick-tock-man's gophers, and the siblings are a threat to be realized next issue? I suspect the latter, but going by what's on the page it's hard tot ell.

In any event, we have 20 pages of art and story, but the pacing of those pages made me think we were only a third of the way through the issue. I'd definitely read the next issue of Shutter, because I feel like that's the best way to get the exhale to this issue's inhale.

I'm not, based on these 20 pages, convinced that I'll come back for issue 3. But as ever, I live in hope.

Shutter's letters page(s), remindful of SAGA's column, are titled "Processing." The instructions are in line with Kate's meh, whatevs attitude: "Send all electronic correspondences to shuttercomics@gmail.com and whatever physical you want to send to either of us..." It's definitely a matter of taste, and as a Midwesterner I'm also guilty of pretending not to care what folks think even (especially!) when I care quite a lot, but faux humility and an I'm not even supposed to be here today attitude are hard humps to get over when it comes to narrative.

When Keatinge and del Duca write directly to the reader in their letters column, they're clearly excited to be telling Kate Kristopher's story in Shutter. And I can appreciate a reluctant hero, refusal-of-the-call-to-adventure moment at a story's start, but I hope the next issues show us something different.

BACKUP FEATURES: "Mungore" (is possibly the title, but it is definitely), written and drawn by Ryan Alexander-Tanner and colored by Catherine Peach. It's a cute Brandon Graham/Mike Allred/James Kochalka mashup about giant monsters and giant robots and mayors and scientists.

A dynamically purple pin-up by Anthony Gregori and Mike Spicer shows Kate Kristopher and her father finding deep sea treasure and deep sea creatures, with lots of teeth all 'round.

A one-pager called "Tiger Lawyer in Sidebar," with story by Ryan Ferrier and art by Felipe Torrent wraps up the issue. It's poorly paced and telegraphs its "sidebar" joke three panels before actually delivering it. The script feels paced for an animated short rather than a one-page comic, but it does have the delightful line, "Help me, y' cat bastard."

Shutter is written by Joe Keatinge, with art by Leila del Duca, colors by Owen Gieni, and letters by Ed Brisson. Design by Tim Leong & Monica Garcia. Cover art (of my copy) by Brandon Graham. Created by Leila del Duca & Joe Keatinge. Published by Image Comics and dated April 2014.



Friday, May 02, 2014

Dollar Bin Reviews: Magik #4

Magik #4: “Darkchild”



My first comic book crush was Illyana Rasputin, code-named Magik, little sister to Colossus of the X-Men and member of the New Mutants training team.

Illyana was Russian, blonde with harsh bangs, and could teleport herself and her friends across vast distances with “stepping discs” that used an otherdimensional Limbo as a shortcut. But like Wolverine, it wasn’t her mutant power that made her interesting -- it was something else.

In Uncanny X-Men #160, Illyana is a six-year-old girl. She’s with the X-Men on an old island base of Magneto’s, watching them take part in a training session -- and secretly being watched in turn by a demon named Belasco. Belasco lures Illyana to a secluded, shadowy corner of the island. He pulls her through a portal into Limbo -- and the X-Men give chase.

Long story short, the X-Men face down magical beasts, battle alternate versions of themselves, and finally rescue Illyana, pulling her back to our dimension as Belasco is trying to pull her into his. For the X-Men, Illyana is only in Limbo for a few moments.

Illyana spends seven years there, coming back out of the portal as a thirteen-year-old.


Wolverine: hat on, shirt off.

The four-part limited series Storm & Ilyana: Magik, published more than a year after this issue of X-Men, tells Illyana’s story over that seven year period.

By this fourth, final issue, Storm’s part of the saga is mostly done. Also? It’s not really Storm. Okay, it’s Storm, but not the regular Storm who was in the X-Men book at the time. This is an alternate reality Storm, also a sorceress, and she was aided by Cat, an alternate reality Kitty Pryde, who dressed kind of like 1950s Batwoman. Cat was dead, and this alternate Storm follows her in the first few pages of #4. Which is just classic storytelling, really -- this Storm is the Obi Wan Kenobi of Magik, there to impart a lesson, then to die. Meet the mentor, and then try to carry on.

Off-panel blood magic, dudes.

Throughout the issue, Illyana struggles with her magical powers -- and whether she’s here to be a hero of a villain. This is better magic than Harry Potter --  a young magician constantly faced with temptation, a perpetual Return of the Jedi Luke Skywalker, with great power within her grasp, but only if she’s willing to embrace a demonic tradition.

This the the Marvel Universe, so there’s a fine line between “demonic” and “Satanic.” There are a lot of near-devils in the Marvel Universe -- Mephisto, Belasco, Marduk Kurios (who is the father of the Son of Satan, for what it’s worth) -- but this demon looks pretty classically Satanic. Red skin, horns, cape, fond of pentagrams, the whole thing.


This guy looks trustworthy, right?

Belasco instructs Illyana in the ways of magic, and tempts and punishes her with visions of her friends in the X-Men -- only twisted, corpse-like versions of them. He wants her to embrace her powers -- and the cost of using them. It’s a temptation Illyana is constantly aware of, and constantly wants to give in to. This great power could consume her, and she wants it to. It’s an itch that feels good to scratch, but under that it hurts intensely, but all she wants to do is scratch it forever.


"I cast my pentagram, conjure my acorn. I have such high hopes."

And again like Luke Skywalker (Jedi was released the year before this series), Illyana’s power increases as she embraces her own dark side. She turns against her teacher, absorbing his power, and taking on more and more of his demonic appearance. Belasco becomes just a comic book handsome-dude in a funky outfit, and Illyana becomes the Darkchild of the story’s title.

#ohsnap

But with absolute power in her grasp, Illyana realizes that she’s become the demon she was fighting against. She drops her sword and refuses to strike the killing blow.

Belasco calls her a coward and disappears in a puff of smoke.

Classic Belasco ninja vanish.

Sal Buscema is the penciler of this issue, and his work looks remarkably like his older brother John’s, who drew a lengthy and sword-and-sorcerous run on Marvel’s Conan the Barbarian. It’s a great visual style of this series, which is a less-travel branch of the X-Men family tree. It’s classic Chris Claremont in that way. Claremont wrote X-Men and many of its spinoffs for years, and he built a consistent and clear continuity that could account for superhero adventures, demon sorcerers, ninjas, space opera, and domestic drama. Of course it was built on the foundation of the Marvel Universe that Lee, Kirby, Ditko and others established in the 1960s, but Claremont tightened the laces and made his corner of that universe a place where he could tell stories in any genre he pleased.

After defeating Belasco and rejecting ultimate demonic power, Illyana still can’t go back to how she was before she started down this path.

This is a pretty badass compact.

“There are three bloodstones already in the medallion, parts of myself consecrated to evil -- a bond I can never break.” Illyana moves forward, but she's changed by what has occurred here.

Page 22 brings us back to Uncanny X-Men #160, when Kitty Pryde pulls Illyana back to Earth, now seven years older.

At issue’s end, another year has passed. Illyana walks through a snowy forest and wonders what it means to be who she is: “But what is my age? I was born seven years ago, yet I’ve lived over twice that -- and in my soul, I feel as old as time.”

The sudden shift from seven-year-old to fourteen-year-old is an exaggeration of the transition from an adolescent to a teenager. A little girl one second, and the next, a surly teen with mood swings and a changing body. It’s also a superheroic version of terrible trauma, the kind of thing we’ve read about in the true-life stories of Elizabeth Smart or the victims of Ariel Castro. Women who are forcibly taken out of childhood or young adulthood, who are traumatized by rape and physical and mental abuse for months or years, and who then escape from their abusers. Sometimes they can return to their homes or their families, but they can’t go back to the time before their trauma. They can be loved and empathized with, but their ordeal can never be entirely understood by the loved ones who care for them.

Obviously, the fictional ordeal faced by this fictional character isn’t comparable to those very real tragedies. But that’s what fiction is for -- to try to comprehend the incomprehensible. To make smaller the very big, or to make larger the seemingly inconsequential, as a means of understanding it, thinking and talking about, looking inward and outward at issues that are larger than us.

Magik ends with a lot of potential for Illyana as a character. It’s too bad that she went on to become not much more than a supporting character in New Mutants, a book about an X-Men training team. New Mutants, written for much of its run by Louise Simonson, who edited Magik, was one of my favorite titles, but it wasn't the story of Illyana. She was relegated to subplots in which she fought the temptation of her demonic side, eventually transforming back into her younger self, "de-aging" to a time before she was taken to Limbo. After that she died, was brought back to life, re-aged, and most recently was one of the “Phoenix Five,” a group of X-Men characters who were given the power of the Phoenix Force. Occasionally she's served as a damsel-in-distress when an exterior motivation for heroism is needed for her brother Colossus.

Serialized comics are too often tombs for great potential. Characters and entire storylines are forgotten or abandoned as creative teams change, editorial decrees are passed down, or creative energies wane or wax in new directions.

But stories don’t just belong to the storyteller. An executive from Lucasfilm can say the Expanded Universe stories don’t really count anymore, but they do -- they do, if you want them to.


Illyana’s story still counts, too. Maybe the merry gang at Marvel didn’t realize her full potential, but that doesn’t mean that potential goes unrealized by the rest of us.

Storm & Illyana: Magik #4 is written by Chris Claremont with pencils by Sal Buscema, finishes by Tom Palmer, colors by Ken Feduniewicz, and letters by Tom Orzechowski. It is edited by Louise Jones with editor-in-chief Jim Shooter. Published by Marvel Comics and dated March 1984. It can be found in dollar bins around the country, or in the collection X-Men: Magik - Storm & Illyana.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Dollar Bin Reviews: West Coast Avengers #2


 The West Coast Avengers #2, titled “Sons,” wasn’t picked up from a dollar bin, though I’ve certainly seen it there. I bought it, no doubt, at Waldenbooks at the Eastgate Mall in southwestern Ohio, when I was six and visiting the mall with my mother and my brother. That’s where I got all of my comics in that period of time, and I chose them for the covers. This one features the floating heads of the WCA and their associates -- Tigra, Iron Man, Hawkeye, Scarlet Witch and Vision -- looking on with varying degrees of rage and concern as the Grim Reaper and his allies (including a totally chilled Goliath) fire some Kirby-crackle-rays at Wonder Man and a purple-suited Hank Pym.

WCA #2 is a domestic read. It opens with three of the Avengers -- Hawkeye, Iron Man, and Tigra, all in-costume, visiting Scarlet Witch and the Vision at their hotel room in New Jersey, complete with a civilian at the ice box in the background. Its story falls between The Vision and the Scarlet Witch, vol. 2, #s 1 & 2, also written by WCA’s Steve Englehart. I never read that series until quite recently, so the deeper machinations and plot points were always a mystery to me. Reading it now as part of that sequence, I’m struck by how good and fun this issue is, while the Visions that surrounded it are kind of a plot-slog. Let’s figure out why!

In the first few pages, we get a lot of backstory and a lot of thought-bubble-turmoil. One page lays out Tigra’s lack of confidence (partially due to Hawkeye’s repeated attempts to keep her on monitor duty) as well as the intricacies of intra-Avengers feuds (the Wasp, who leads the East Coast branch, would be upset to find the West Coast team on an unsanctioned mission in New Jersey). The next page, in seven panels, lays out the origin of kidnapped Avenger Wonder Man and what you might have missed from Vision and the Scarlet Witch #1.



Tigra: she's real mad.

After that, we’re off to the villains. Led by the Grim Reaper, also known as Wonder Man’s brother Eric Williams, this super villain team-up includes Ultron XII  out for revenge against his creator, Hank Pym, as well as his own creation, the Vision), Goliath II (whose powers are ion-based like Wonder Man’s -- in a previous issue Goliath reveals he no longer has blood!), Man-Ape (an African named M’Baku who we later learn is working with these criminals because he’s been cast out of his home country by the Black Panther), Nekra (an albino whose strength and invulnerability are more powerful depending on how much she hates … anything, apparently), and Black Talon (a New Orleans-based Vodouisant). Their plan is to capture Wonder Man (check) and the Vision (next on the list) in order to copy their brain waves and memories, filter out all of the super hero parts, and transfer them into the body of a brainless zombie who physically resembles Simon Williams -- Wonder Man, before he was transformed into a superhero.

Familial!

When we rejoin the Avengers, they’re retracing Wonder Man’s life as a means of tracking down Grim Reaper’s hidden base. Which seems awfully hopeful on their part, but it gives us the opportunity for more flashbacks and backstory. Their first stop is the abandoned manufacturing facility where Simon Williams got his star. Iron Man, the only current Avenger who was on the team when they first met Wonder Man, who was, at the time a villain-in-disguise.




Think about Tony's sweaty upper lip.
 At the last minute, Wonder Man switched sides again, sacrificed himself to save the Avengers, and seemingly died. Again, this is a two-page retelling of a Lee/Kirby-era Avengers story from decades previous, and its retelling is one of the defining aspects of Shooter-era Marvel: past stories are the foundation of the present. This story, the one being told in WCA #2, is a direct sequel not just to Wonder Man’s first appearance, but to the first appearance of the Vision, to Hank Pym’s rise and fall, and to the recent grab for world domination by the Vision, mind-controlled by ISAAC, an artificial intelligence from the Saturnine moon of Titan.

This pool is deep, man. You don’t have to understand all of the backstory to fully enjoy the 22 issues of story and art, but the more you can hold onto and keep up with, the more fun it all seems, and the more it feels like a lived-in world with history and connections and continuity that count.




From the manufacturing plant, the Avengers move on to the home of Simon and Eric’s elderly mother. She misses Simon, and she recognizes her other son’s criminal influence on him. But the real point of this scene is to allow the Vision -- who, in his long-ago backstory, was built with the brainwaves of the then-deceased Wonder Man -- a chance to connect with a very human mother. This is part of a longer story about the Vision’s growing humanity, and his repeated statement that though his body is synthetic, it houses a real, human mind. A twin to Simon’s mind, and one with Simon’s memories and emotions. Mrs. Williams embraces the Vision, telling him that she’s gained a third son, as well as a daughter -- the Vision’s wife, the Scarlet Witch, who herself grew up unaware of her birth parents (the X-Men villain Magneto and a gypsy named Magda), and was torn from her first adoptive parents, the World War II-era heroes the Whizzer and Miss America. Lost and shattered families -- or at least the children of those families -- find new hope.

Proof Aunt May could probably handle the shock that her nephew is Spider-Man.
Elsewhere, the Grim Reaper’s family of convenience starts to fall apart. My favorite panel of the entire issue is on page 15, where the Grim Reaper and Nekra recline on a pile of pillows (with the Reaper’s hand-scythe given its own comfy place to recline, while a mysterious spiked shackle lays nearby, unused), talking about all of the things they hate.

Who brought the pillows?


It’s unclear in this issue, but Nekra’s super powers are directly related to the hate she feels, so her attraction to the Grim Reaper seems at least partially based on his own feelings of hate and his desire for vengeance against the “walking insults” to his memory of his brother that are Wonder Man and the Vision. She smiles as she goads him into talking more and more about what his brother has become, but they’re interrupted by another source of the Grim Reaper’s hate -- black people.

He says it outright to M’Baku -- “You black savage! I do the thinking in this group!” -- and on the next page addresses him as “Man-Ape,” which is technically M’Baku’s super villain persona, but could also be a racist epithet hurled by the Reaper. At first, M’Baku tries to reason with his boss. “Now wait--!” he begins, which the Reaper takes as yet another insult to him and his position as the leader of this unnamed crew.

"Dude, don't be such a--" "SILENCE!"
M’Baku storms out, vowing not to work with someone so insanely (“You’re a madman, Reaper!”) racist, even as Nekra points out to the Grim Reaper that she is black herself.



Kissing!
But the Reaper only cares for what is on the surface. Just as his plan for vengeance against Wonder Man wants to place his actual brother’s brainwaves into the body of a zombie made to resemble his brother as he remembers him (which took only minor plastic surgery, as the Reaper reveals in a later issue), what matters most to the Reaper is his own perception of reality, and everyone else’s willingness to indulge him in that perception.

It’s actually fascinating. A lot of super villains are referred to as madmen, insane criminals, and mad scientists. But the Grim Reaper seems to have a genuinely tenuous (thought strict, in its own way) grip on reality. When that starts to come crashing down (which it does -- spoiler alert! -- in The Vision and the Scarlet Witch #2, which concludes this adventure), he quickly abandons his entire plan of revenge and brain-swapping and disappears down a mysterious crevasse. Where this hideout of the Reaper’s is actually located remains mysterious to me. We see that it has (possibly marble) columns and pillars and hanging plants, as well as a high-tech lab for the Black Talon to work in (he’s just as much a scientist as a magician, as are most sorcerous Marvel characters), but in the next part of this adventure, we see that it’s also surrounded by caves and dark tunnels where the bodies of certain fallen villains cannot be found, even by synthozoid eyes.

After seeing this beginning of the villains’ end, we spend a few pages with their prisoners: Wonder Man and Hank Pym. Pym himself is gloriously unstable and inconsistent over his comic book career. He started as a costume-less scientist in 1962’s Tales to Astonish #27, accidentally shrinking himself to ant-size, battling his way back to his lab (Honey, I Shrunk the Kids-style, though that film was released 27 years later), where he pours his growth serum down the drain. He returned with a reconstituted serum, and his Ant-Man costume, in Tales to Astonish #35, and was later a founding member of the Avengers. He had a number of costumed identities over the next several years, some small (Yellowjacket) and some large (Giant-Man, the first Goliath). He beat his wife (current East Coast chairwoman the Wasp), went insane (possibly not in that order), went on trial and was drummed out of the Avengers. He returned in the West Coast title, first as a guy in a suit, later as a guy in a jumpsuit, and later still in a constant cycling and recycling of his old costumes.

But here, he plays the aggressive, tough-love foil for his fellow prisoner. Wonder Man recounts yet another page of backstory, this time detailing what happened after he returned to life: he was a pawn in another villainous scheme, he joined the Avengers properly, he fought with his brother, the Grim Reaper. But through it all -- and up til now -- he remained in constant fear of “the darkness -- the terrible, terrible darkness” of death, something he had firsthand experience with.



Visual echo -- echo -- echo --!
This is something you see surprisingly little of in a genre that kills and resurrects so many characters. Wonder Man’s lingering fear of a death he remembers, as opposed to the existential angst most of us feel, reminds me Buffy, the Vampire Slayer’s sixth season, when Buffy is resurrected by her friends, torn back to Earth from a heavenly afterlife, spends a lot of episodes (really, a lot of time!) depressed, fighting a floating ennui, and dealing with what it means to be brought back from the dead.

There’s practically an entire genre of fiction about the resurrected dead these days (The Returned and Resurrection on TV and Revival in comics, not to mention the glut of zombie fiction currently shambling through every possible medium), but by 1985 Marvel Comics had brought back dozens of its own dead characters, and was on the verge of bringing back … well, basically all of them. Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben is, as of this writing, still dead, but that’s the only one I can think of off hand. But there’s not a lot of time spent on what it means to have been deceased and returned to life. Technically, Wonder Man was brought back from an intense, death-like coma (this time, at least -- he later died, and was resurrected, as an ionic energy being), but his perception is that he was dead, lost in the terrible darkness.

Those Williams brothers and their perceptions of reality, right?

The issue ends with the West Coast Avengers boarding their quinjet and being attacked by Ultron. There’s nothing much going on in this scene, except for excellently weird and hilarious instances of Iron Man’s mask, supposedly immovable, subtly shifting to evoke his emotions.


Awkward Iron Man / Hmmmm / Kool-Aid Man
It also feels like the quinjet’s interior shrinks and embiggens depending on the nature and angle of the panel, but obviously we can award ourselves a No-Prize by pointing out the simple explanation: Pym Particles!

I re-read this particular issue because I finally completed runs of the early West Coast Avengers (up through #47, when it became Avengers West Coast) and The Vision and the Scarlet Witch 12-issue series. But this story holds up much better than any of the issues around it, because it’s a slow, eccentric beat in a larger action-driven plot where the Avengers are putting together the pieces of a plan that’s taken form around them. In Vision #2, Man-Ape and Black Talon abandon the Grim Reaper because of the racist outburst directed at M’Baku in this issue, when they could have turned the tide in their boss’s favor. The Avengers never know why the Reaper’s allies leave the battle, but the reader does. This issue is a subdued story that lacks battles and fisticuffs (except for those that happen in flashback), but it’s more interesting and revealing than either of the issues that bookend it.

West Coast Avengers Vol. 2 #2 is written by Steve Englehart with pencilling breakdowns by Al Milgrom, finishes by Kim DeMulder, colors by Petra Scotese, and letters by Tom Orzechowski. It is edited by Mark Gruenwald with editor-in-chief Jim Shooter. Published by Marvel Comics and dated November 1985. It can be found in dollar bins around the country, or in the collections...


The Avengers: West Coast Avengers - Family Ties

The Avengers: West Coast Avengers Omnibus, Volume 1

and The Avengers: Vision and the Scarlet Witch - A Year in the Life

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

The Important Things

I. Enjoy the Weather.

It is not a real winter here. Polar vortices are heard of but unseen. Congratulations are given, months after the fact, for the foresight to go where snow will never be shoveled. Hard times are over!

It gets down to the 50s at night. There's a heater in our house, but it's inconsistent. There is little concern about this, even though 50s-at-night can be a pretty chilly situation when you're indoors and stationary. Congratulations on the weather makes me want to engage about it. Correct it. You know, it can actually require jackets. You know, K acclimated immediately, and she can get quite chilly. You know, weather extremes are a pretty good marker for the passage of time. You know, it's actually the lack of humidity that has been the biggest blessing. You know, I have a hard time stopping myself from thinking of how different everything would be if we'd turned right instead of left. 

Well anyway. Thank you, it is rather comfortable outside. How are your pipes holding up?


II.  Laid to Rest.

Vibrant is not the word. The single thing I keep remembering about Walt is when I went to Chicago with him and my brother Dave. We were going for a comic book convention, the first time Chicago Comic Con was branded Wizard World Chicago. I remember the nametag had the electric blue Superman on it. It was 1997? 1998? It must have been 1997. After high school and before college started. I bought a wall scroll for Denise, who I may or may not have been dating at the time. We were dating toward the end of high school, then broke up a bit, then in that first year of college pinged back and forth a bit, as one will do. But I remember wanting to bring back a present, and I remember choosing some sort of anime-ish wall scroll. It rolled up tight, but it was long -- three-feet or so -- like a nice walking cane, but too long to be packed.

Walt and Dave and myself had shared a hotel room for the several days we went to the show. After we left, I realized I'd forgotten the scroll. I think we'd even made it to breakfast? It must have been a Denny's, or something similar, located quite close to the hotel, because we hadn't gone far. I can see the moment clearly -- putting something in the back of the van, realizing the absence of the scroll. I told them and we went back to the hotel, and they let us back in the room. It was there leaning in a corner, and I picked it up, and we got back in the van, and we went on our way again.

What I'm trying to say is -- Walt joked a lot. My feeling on that trip was that I was a little embarrassed and a little awkward all of the time, and that as Walt grew more comfortable with me, he would joke more at my expense. Which is a sign of affection really, or comfort at the very least, when it comes to midwestern dudes inclined to go to comic book conventions, but at 18 and right out of school and used to being the weirdo that cooler weirdos pushed around, it made me feel uncomfortable and exposed. And I was dreading the jokes at my expense for forgetting and having to go back for the wall scroll I'd bought for the girl who was maybe my girlfriend.

I don't think he said anything about it. Probably, he didn't even care. Or notice. I was 18 and self-conscious about anything that drew attention to myself (a pressure point that has only slightly subsided over time), and I was terribly relieved and grateful for not being picked on about it.

Walt was the first of my brother's adult friends I met and felt any kind of relation to. Last September Dave told me Walt had cancer -- many cancers -- and he passed away last week. This anecdote doesn't do any kind of justice to who he was as a human being or a man or a father or a friend. It's not really meant to. It's just one of many things that's rumbled around my own head as I've thought of him recently.

I'll feel better if I repeat what I posted on Facebook:

Walter Davis wore overalls, rocked a marvelous mulletted ponytail well past its expiration date, and, despite being one of the bigger dudes I have ever met , comfortably answered to the nickname "Tweedle." He passed away last night after spending the last several months bloodying the nose and blackening the eyes of cancer. Which means he gets first pass at the heavenly $1 comic bins.

Walt was a father, my brother's dear friend, and a funny motherfucker. He still is those things, and will be them forever. Rest well, buddy.


I'll feel better if I share what L shared with me, after reading about Walt's passing:

i read this poem of rilke's for many days, sometimes even out loud...and shared it with some of our friends too...and its acknowledgment of the unknowable and the immensity of grief felt right. others told me they felt the same way. so i thought i would send it to you. lots of love. xo.

Quiet friend who has come so far,
feel how your breathing makes more space around you.
Let this darkness be a bell tower
and you the bell. As you ring,
what batters you becomes your strength.
Move back and forth into the change.
What is it like, such intensity of pain?
If the drink is bitter, turn yourself to wine.
In this uncontainable night,
be the mystery at the crossroads of your senses,
the meaning discovered there.
And if the world has ceased to hear you,
say to the silent earth: I flow.
To the rushing water, speak: I am.


III. Rising and Being Risen.

A recurring insecurity is, "What am I contributing to this situation?" Relationships, work, creative endeavors, social outings. As if a thing (anything) can be seen from the outside, and as if it can be judged, then, by it's individual components. Am I being helpful? Am I making it better, or worse? What would happen if I left now? Am I slowing everyone down? 





I almost fell down a hole of fearful, existential introspection, there. I came upon that image by accident and it actually made me feel a lot better. If you make a dumb choice, if your joke is the worst joke, if the people you love are a little disappointed in you or embarrassed by you?

You still have to get out of bed the next day. You can choose to be kind the next time the people you love don't hit the bar they want or expect. 

I don't think man is capable of love is the line, for me, with the most gravity from the True Detective I watched last night. Obviously the speaker is in the depths of his own hole of introspection and existential crisis. He's a fiction, but then so is Homer. We get to choose which is correct. We can choose nature (fear, suspicion, judgement) or grace.

Maybe we're wrapped up in our own heads and we don't notice when it's the kindest thing simply not to poke our friends in a sensitive spot. Or maybe it's all somewhere in our heads -- and by our heads, I mean our entire selves -- and we can, occasionally, have an inherent feeling for what will help maintain a positive balance for ourselves and the people we love and the people we like and the people we've only just met.
 

Thursday, October 31, 2013

I Remember Arnie

I met Arnie Raiff in ... 2003. We were both taking Carey Friedman's Experimental Theater class and it was my first semester at Columbia College Chicago. I had decided to go back to school because I was restless and aimless and wanted to write a lot. Arnie was teaching there, and taking classes that interested him. I was already intimidated, taking an experimental theater class before I'd taken any normal theater classes, but now I was taking it alongside a teacher and a bunch of grad students. But I was kind of dumb, so I didn't let it bother me too much.

But I felt comfortable around Arnie from the first time I saw him. He had a scraggly beard and a scratchy voice. He wore newsboy caps and baggy sweaters. He didn't look like a writing teacher auditing a class. He looked like a guy, a Chicago guy, and he was eager to ask questions when he didn't quite get something yet, and he was quick to get excited when he got it. We didn't talk much, one on one. I didn't talk to anyone much, one on one, that semester. Maybe that whole year. I was nervous about being back in school and being found out for a fraud and a terrible writer. I remember having something I wrote read aloud in class one day, and hearing Arnie laugh at one of the right places. I don't even remember what I wrote. I just remember that he laughed.

That summer Arnie taught a writing workshop I took. The focus was creative nonfiction. I read "Shooting an Elephant" for the first time in his class, and it was one of the first stories I taught to students of my own later. He talked about unions and looked at me with a little bit of disbelief when I said that my dad was in a union, but couldn't quite articulate what he did at work every day. I investigated imaginary friends as my final project for that class, not conscious that it was because, even after nearly two years in Chicago and one year back in school, I still felt so separate from a lot of real humans.

But that meant there were figures like Arnie that loomed large. Writers who had gone through the process. Arnie was still exploring his work and his craft, still struggling with making himself understood, but also eager to help others find their voices. I didn't have an intense personal connection with him. Except for the one that came from being fellow travelers who were in the same place for a little while. We walked and read and wrote together, for a little while.

This morning, I woke up in a city far from Chicago and scrolled through Facebook to help jumpstart my brain. To see what the world was up to while I was asleep. I read that Arnie Raiff died peacefully at home on October 29, ending his long battle with cancer.

I haven't seen Arnie in person since 2006, when I left Chicago for California, the first time. But I have thought about him -- this is no joke -- on a regular basis ever since, trying to explain the Chicago-centric pop culture references from Spider-Man 2. "'He's Back,'" Arnie said, pretending to hold up a newspaper. "That's Michael Jordan!" I don't know why that pops into my head as often as it does. I would imagine Arnie didn't think too much about Spider-Man 2 after that summer. But that's how I see him, as the focus of that semi-circle in a little room on South Michigan Avenue, holding court and talking about stories. Write on, brother.

Friday, August 23, 2013

A Prelude to Michael Caine

Sometimes you take on a new project and you think, this will be a nice way to spend the weekend. We're hangin shelves! And then you do, and you have shelves.

Sometimes you think you'll start a Choose Your Own Adventure-ish blog and it will be finished in six months, but instead you're still writing it (or not-writing it) 5 years later.

Sometimes you know it's going to be a project that will carry on for years and years, and you're content to enjoy the ride.

So Kate says to me the other day, she says: Do you want to watch Michael Caine's filmography in chronological order?

"Yes. Yes I do."
 We established some ground rules. We're starting with his first starring role, in 1964's Zulu, and all of the colonial & prejudiced problems that will go along with watching a 1960s movie about British soldiers killing Africans. Wikipedia is kind enough to report that, "due to the apartheid laws in South Africa, none of the Zulu extras could be paid for their performance. Director Endfield circumvented this by leaving them all the animals, primarily cattle, used in the film; to the Zulu, this was a gift far more valuable than money."

Wuf.

Well, Alfie is only two movies away.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Fiction: Coda -- Roy Raven

[This is the third of three shorties I wrote about Roy Raven, my Pathfinder character of a year or so. This was written after the campaign's close, when the playing was done and our group had drifted to different corners of the country. 

Kendra was an NPC that I decided Roy might wind up traveling with. I wrote this on the plane as Kate and I were flying to San Diego to look for an apartment after a rather all-of-a-sudden decision to move to California. I didn't look at, or share, this story with the rest of my group until just last week -- I didn't even realize, when I was writing it, that I was writing about Kate and myself moving and leaving the Diplomancers, just like Roy and Kendra were leaving the Bugbears.] 

The fires burned low as the sun rose. Kendra came back -- Roy hadn't noticed her go -- and softly cleared her throat.

"Right," said Roy. "Probably time to get."

"You promised to catch up with them before Caliphas," she said.

"I did say that," said Roy. "That is a thing that I said."

"You lingered awfully long as you said it too. Like someone who was stalling."

"I have been known to stall, it's true. From time to time." Roy Raven kicked at the dirt of the reconsecrated temple grounds. After the fight with the scholar -- after the Gallowspire had been sealed again and for all time -- the rest of the Bugbears had wanted to rest and recount their win and their spoils. Roy had felt antsy. He'd laid awake as the others slept, and he'd parted ways with them, only for a day, he promised, to wrap up any burials or loose spirits at Renchurch. Kendra had gone with him.

We're bonded now, she had said. We might should spend some time together.

Mostly the Bugbears didn't care. Fitzy had tried to tag along -- more and more toward the end he had been right there behind Roy -- but Roy shrugged off the goblin's assistance. It'll be boring, Roy explained. Spirit exorcisms, corpse re-burial. That kind of thing.

We never fully explored those stables, Fitzy had reasoned. There might be something--

Definitely not, Roy said. But if there is -- you've got dibs.
That had been enough to appease the little alchemist.

Kendra hadn't said anything, but Roy could tell she knew he was thinking of taking the opportunity to head in another direction.

"They'll be disappointed," she said now, like she could read his mind. Maybe she could? Who knew what almost-bonding with a lich godling could do to someone.

"They'll be fine," he said. "They know the songs. I was never that good of a banjo player. You heard us back in Ravengro."

"You did more than just banjo for them."

"Got them into trouble," offered Roy. "'What my friend here means to say...'" Roy had been quietly perfecting his Ganlow impression, but that was before the change. He'd somehow, incongrously, seemed to have lost some of that skill.

"They're fond of you for it," said Kendra.

Roy shrugged. "They are. All the same. I think I need to try something new. Honestly, when I think of going back on the road ... there's like a white border around that way of thinking. It's a vision of the past. It gives me a headache. I don't mean like a metaphor. It hurts, physically. Here." Roy tapped his temple.

"Pharasma touched you," said Kendra. "It's difficult to avoid destiny."

"You managed it," said Roy. "Destiny-wise, you should be the vessel for a lich-king right about now, yeah?"

"I avoided one destiny. I seem to have gotten mixed up with another. This bond we seem to have--"

"Ahh," Roy said, waving off her words. "I mean yeah, I get it. I'd just rather not -- let's not talk about it quite yet."

Kendra settled into an amused silence.

"Besides," said Roy, "I've been dodging destinies my whole life. I was raised by people, did you know that?"

"I didn't," said Kendra.

"It's true. Fisherman's family. For the first few years, anyway. So by most accounts, I should be inheriting a fishing boat or something."

"What happened?"

Roy pretended to have trouble remembering. "Nothing unusual. Brigand-related. Me and Sur -- he was my foster-brother, I suppose -- we headed to the city afterward. Got caught up in pickpocketing. So, by that destiny, I should have been a street rat forever, or else strung up in a jail somewhere in the Shackles. Or conscripted onto a pirate ship or something."

"I could see you as a pirate. A bird on your shoulder." She smirked.

"That Moesul, I swear. If I never see that particular weirdo again..."

"Aw, come on. Kaisen wasn't so bad."

"He had a pretty great belt," Roy conceded. " And his dancing was really improving, though I wouldn't tell him so to his face."

"Anyway," said Kendra. "What happened to pickpocket Roy? How was that destiny avoided?"

"Sur joined the army, believe it or not. Decided to fight for some lord or other, maybe earn his knighthood. I even thought about joining, for the sake of family togetherness. But it clearly wasn't for me. Bird bones, you know?"

"I do."

"So. I wound up learning a trade."

"Which one?"

Roy glanced at the graveyard, where not too many days previous he had buried his friend.

"One not far removed from what we're doing now. So maybe that particular destiny was just sidestepped for a few years. I picked up the banjo, and I just-so-happened to be enough of a weirdo for the freakshow that Deltaen was putting together at the time. Fitzy was already there, and then Myrtle joined shortly thereafter. And then Ganlow joined and stole all of my good ideas. We toured and we gigged, and then we met Muzzgash in the cemetery the day we -- well, you know. The day we buried your dad."

"And now here we are," said Kendra, smiling sadly, remembering the times before. "But where to next?"

"We could ask the planchette!" said Roy, perking up. He liked asking the planchette. "Follow the unquiet spirits about, help put them to rest."

"I'm a little tired of talking to ghosts," Kendra said. "The truth is -- I can hear them anyway."

"Yow. Really? That's creepy, Kendra."

"They're like whispers," she said, staring at something far away.

"Well, I can respect that. Taking a break from ghosts and all. It's just that -- well, I kind of have this deal. With Pharasma, I mean. I think it's kind of my job now."

"There's a lot of unquiet dead," said Kendra. "I don't know if we need to ask them anything. We could just -- travel. Follow our noses for a bit, instead of racing off to the next thing."

"I like to travel," agreed Roy. "It's been a long time since I've been down to the Shackles. Have you ever been?"

"Never," she said. "I hear it's -- well, actually I hear it's not very nice."

"Oh, it's not," Roy agreed. "But it is where I'm from."

"Let's go then," said Kendra. "Should we stop in Ravengro? I have some things that--"

"Aw, things," said Roy. "Things have never gotten anyone anywhere. You know what gets people places?"

"What?"

"Going."

Kendra smiled. "Then let's get going."

"Yeah," said Roy, as if it hadn't been his own idea. He took one more look around Renchurch in the rising sun, and it didn't look nearly as abandoned or as dreadful as it had when he'd first seen it. "And hey, maybe we'll catch up with those Bugbears someday anyway. That wouldn't be so bad."

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Fiction: Roy's Prayer

[The second of three stories I wrote about my Pathfinder character from the last year, a tengu bard named Roy Raven. 
In this installment, we were near the end of yearish-long campaign and I felt like Roy -- who began as a bit of a boorish smartmouth -- had made something of a personal journey. One of his friends had recently sacrificed himself for the group, and I was thinking of giving Roy a level in a divine class like paladin. Our Gamemaster Alex suggested that Pharasma herself -- she's a deity in the Pathfinder world -- might step in and offer something more drastic.]

I offer a prayer to Pharasma. 

I have never been a holy bird, so Lady honor me with your patience. I was alone when I was born, like most folk are. I've been on the receiving end of kindness now and again, but for the most part, it was up to me to figure out how to survive. That's how it was for a long time, and that's how I learned most of my habits. I've stolen from the living and the dead, and it's never made me particularly sorry.

When I wanted to give up that kind of life, yours was the first face I saw. This old dwarf gave me a job and a shovel. Well — he gave me the job, but he docked my pay for the shovel. His name was Bardin. We buried people. Humans, dwarves, orcs — we buried a tengu once. He was a young guy too, younger than me. We buried the dead, and we got paid a copper for it. It wasn't work I was proud of, at first. I made jokes. I pocketed some possessions that were meant for the ones I was burying. Old Bardin never caught me, or if he did he never made me stop. You made me stop.

I overheard a cleric reciting a prayer to you, in advance of the body being given to me and Old Bardin for the burial. I don't remember the words, so apologies again, but I do remember part of what he said. "The Lady shall keep it." I didn't know exactly what we meant, but also I thought that I did, if that makes any sense. I thought maybe it meant … well, I dunno. Not the soul, exactly. For whatever reason, I decided it meant all their worry. The world is hard, and it was nice to think that when some poor old folks were finished running around in it, when they've finally met their bloody end, that they could have some rest. That they didn't have to carry that worry around anymore, of going hungry or going poor, or being stabbed to death by some adventurer who wanted a name for himself. I thought that it mean that you would keep it, that worry, so that they wouldn't anymore. And I liked that.

Old Bardin died. I buried him in his own plot. Nobody paid me to do it.

Nobody paid me to bury anybody after that. I took what Old Bardin had left behind, which wasn't much. A book of myths or stories for dwarves, a banjo, a cloak, and a shovel. I burned the cloak. I left the shovel behind, and mine own too, so that whoever took the job next could at least start with a leg up. I read that book, over and over again. About dwarves who went down too deep. Did you know that every dwarven story is about that? Digging too deep and finding something foul. Or giving yourself over to greed. Or drink. Every dwarf story has the same lesson, Lady Pharasma. I started plucking at the banjo too, and after awhile I got not-bad enough that people stopped yelling at me to stop. They started giving me a copper or two to keep going, and that's a better way to earn it than digging graves.

Anyway. That's how I found these guys, the Bugbears. They're all right. I think their mostly good people. What I mean is, they're probably the best guys I've ever known, but you know. If I told them that they'd just make sure their coinpurse was still there. Which is okay. I have old habits.

One old habit is how I still feel about those departed folk. I know a body is a just a body, and that the soul moves on. That you keep their worries for them. But it still means something to me, and I don't think it's just because of my old job. A body is a holy thing itself, and that's one thing I've learned since those gigs in Ravengro. A body shouldn't be used how the Way wants to use them. I think they're real wrong about what they do.

But I didn't really mean to talk to you about the Way. They're bad, but I think we can handle them. I meant to talk to you about Muzgash. He was a real weird guy, you know? And he smelled bad, and he walked slow, and sometimes he would help the people who wanted to kill us. Help them not to hurt. But he was also real all right. And that thing I guess he did, to cleanse your temple? 

Well. All due respect, I guess you owe him pretty big for that. I hope you keep his worries for him. He had a lot, I think.

And I don't always know what to do, but if there's a thing I can, I want to do it.  I think Muzgash has the right idea. You've got to just do it all, all that you can. I don't have a soul worthy of cleansing a temple or anything, but I can be pretty good at shooting things. And I can play Bardin's banjo a little. So if there's something I should do, and you can see it and I can't? You tell me what it is. Okay?

The Lady shall keep it. Amen.
[After this, Alex and I role-played a scenario via email where Pharasma offered Roy the chance to give himself over to her divine mission. His feathers turned white and he lost all of his bard and thief levels, replacing them with levels of Inquisitor. I still played him with the same rakish personality, only know he was on a Mission from God, kind of like Jake Blues. It was a fun change, and it felt character-based and natural.]

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Fiction: The Old Bird of the Shackles

My gaming group, the Diplomancers, spent much of the last year meeting every Thursday night to play a Pathfinder adventure called The Carrion Crown. About halfway through, some of us actually wrote up the backstories to the characters we'd already been playing for months. This was the secret origin of Roy Raven, my bardish thief, who later found religion.

The Shackles are the home of pirate lords and smuggler kings, with ruined towers dotting its islands and rocky outcroppings, carved with images of cannibal cults and terrible tentacled things never seen by living eyes. With an unending hurricane and the lawless and savage Sodden Lands to the north, the harsh and unforgiving Terwa Uplands to the east, the Shackles are also home to those who are too helpless, too hungry, or simply too forgotten to live anywhere else.

Sandy was one of the hungry. A decade and more ago he had tried his hand at buccaneering, robbing, and raping, but quickly found that while his cutlass was willing, he simply hadn’t the heart of a ruthless ravager. His first time boarding a merchant vessel he puked over the side when he witnessed one of his fellows disembowel the other ship’s boatswain, and the second time he himself jumped overboard and swam to shore, either unnoticed by the pirates or mistaken for a drifting corpse. He drifted to shore on Motaku Isle, fell in love in the warrens of Quent, and took over an abandoned farm on the outskirts of the jungle, hoping to raise his new family there, astounded at the good fortune that had led him away from a murderous life and to one of love and stability.

Of course, nothing stays dry for long in the Shackles.

Sandy’s family grew to three children and a wife he adored, and worked hard for. But growing crops on the rocky Motaku Isle was ever a challenge, and more often than not the nearby Eye of Abendego, a hurricane that had been raging for centuries, would send hellstorms that would drown even the simplest, hardiest harvest.

“I’ve no skills,” he admitted to his wife one night, when the children were in bed and presumed to be asleep. “The only thing I’ve ever been good at escaping with my life when everyone around me was dying on a pirate’s blade.”

“You were absurdly lucky,” said his wife. “Maybe you can put that luck to good use?”

The islands and rocky atolls of the Shackles called to adventurers seeking treasure and heroic challenges. They also called to Sandy, who sought food and comfort for those who mattered to him most.

There was one particular atoll, difficult to reach due to rocky spires that lurked just below the water’s surface, but which was perhaps the last hope for a hungry man with hungrier babies at home. Sandy rowed carefully, his eyes always on the water around him. The rocks and ruins he glided over could end his trip if he skirted too close and one punctured his small skiff.

It was a thing of wood that Sandy had borrowed from one of his neighbors. Old Edward would already have discovered it was missing, and was no doubt cursing Sandy for a fool that would likely never return. But if Sandy returned with what he was seeking, Old Edward would be too busy eating to be angry. And if Sandy didn’t return, well, he wouldn’t have to listen to Old Edward shouting at him anyway.

He could see his goal in the distance, through the fog of the sea. It was a tower, slender and tall, rising above the waves. Not terribly tall, but straight and strong enough to have withstood wind and water and the terror of the storms caused by the Eye of Abendengo.

It was there that hope was said to still live.

Sandy had heard of the tengu, but had never seen one with his own eyes. They were said to be good luck on ships, if only because the birdfolk attracted all of the spare bad luck to themselves. And in Quent, the largest city on Motaku Isle, there was tengu rookery that was known to be a den of avarice and sin. He knew of taverns there that would occasionally serve tengu eggs, for a few hours raking in fistfuls of gold from the curious, and before a murder of tengu descended on the place to shut it down and run off those who had gathered to eat the tengus’ unborn. But here in this tower there was rumored to be a tengu nest unprotected by what passed for birdfolk warriors, and even if some civilized men (like Old Edward) would frown on eating the eggs of intelligent humanoids, Sandy had a family feed. And, if his conscience got the better of him again, he could sell the eggs to buy food that didn’t have its own part of town in several civilized cities.

Sandy’s boat bumped into a rocky shoal under the water, and the sound scraped against the bottom of his wooden boat. He would have to slow to keep his boat safe, using his oar as a pole that would propel him off of or away from the ruins under the waves. Sandy’s boat coasted to where the tower met the sea. It rose straight from the water, its base down below the sickly lapping waves. He pushed his way around and found a hole in the tower wall at the waterline just large enough to glide his skiff through.

It was dark inside the tower, and the sound of the water echoed around him. A spiral staircase, carved of stone from the interior wall of the tower itself, curved and rose above him, broken in places by time and the salty sea. More than sixty feet above Sandy there was a wooden landing, and sunlight broke through it in places. If there was an isolated tengu nest here, that was the most likely place for it.

He glided the small skiff to where the stone stairs rose from the gently lapping waves. The stairs were so worn -- and so wobbly and weak in places -- he had to move up them on all fours, hand over hand and foot over foot. He stopped every few moments to listen for evidence of his quarry up above, but he could hear nothing but the echoes of the water and his own guilty heart.

When Sandy reached the landing he was momentarily blinded by the sudden sunlight. The roof of the tower had been torn away -- by what, he couldn’t say -- and the landing itself was a tangle of rotten and sea-stained wood, moldering burlap sacks, and detritus gathered from who knows where.

There, in one back corner, under the last remaining vestige of the stony ceiling, was the shadowed form of what could be one of the birdfolk, the tengu. Over the sounds of the sea all around, Sandy could hear labored breathing and the wheezing of a creature most certainly close to death.

Sandy’s heart sank. What if there was a tengu here, and it was already spent and nearly dead? He didn’t know if he had the heart to put it out of its misery (which meant he surely wouldn’t have had the heart to kill it and steal its eggs), and then paddle his way home with nothing to show for his voyage, or this theft of Old Edward’s skiff.

“Hello?” said Sandy. He pulled a simple dagger from his belt, feeling quite rude and boorish for drawing a weapon in what clearly a stranger’s home. “I’m sorry,” he said, feeling immediately foolish for apologizing to a creature he’d not yet met, and from whom he’d intended to steal that which was surely most precious to it.

There was a rattle of breath from the shadowed corner, followed by a wracking cough.

“My doom,” said a voice unseen, “comes to greet me, it seems.”

“Hello,” Sandy said again, feeling quite foolish all over again. A vision came to him of his babies crying for food, and of Old Edward admonishing him for stealing his skiff. “I’m afraid I may have come to rob you.”

The shadows in the corner collected themselves and shifted and moved. Sandy took a step back and nearly dropped his dagger, so slick from sweat were his palms.

“You have come to kill me,” said the thing he still could not properly see. “In days past, when one came clambering up my stairs I would rain oil and arrows down upon the burglaring bumbler. But I am old now, and ill.”

The things shuffled into the sunlight, but the smell of it hit Sandy before the sight. It smelled of old meat, wet feathers, and rot. It smelled of something sick and dreadful, and it moved much the same. It was one of the birdfolk, true, but it had a broken arm (a broken wing?), and a hollow mess of red where one beady eye had once been. Its beak was cracked and askew, and its feathers were matted and torn where they weren’t missing altogether.

Sandy backed up further, and startled himself when he backed into the tower wall. He drew in a gasp of breath at the sight of the poor creature before him, and was flooded with pity. It’s why he made a poor marauder, and an even worse thief. He had no heart for killing or the taking of another’s property, and though he wasn’t particularly strong or especially bright, he would rather aid a helpless creature than take from it.

“What’s done this to you?” said Sandy.

The wheezing old tengu doubled over with a wracking cough that Sandy soon realized was a laugh.

“Time,” the thing said. “I am old, human-man. I am 64, and though I don’t know how long your kind naturally survive, that is a respectably lamentable age for the tengu. Age has inflicted much of the damage you see before you. The rest was courtesy of an especially brutish pirate band, the remains of which you see there.”

Sandy looked down and into another corner of the tower landing, where he saw the sunbleached bones of several canine-skulled creatures. They had been gnolls when they were alive, hyena-humanoids it was best to avoid whether on land or at sea. This tengu of the tower had been accosted by them, and they had undoubtedly planned to do precisely what Sandy had come to do: kill her, and take away her eggs.

“Is there anything I can do?” he said. “To help you, I mean. I don’t really have much, in fact, I --”

The tengu wheeze-laughed again, sitting down where she stood, as if the effort of walking and talking was altogether too much for her.

“You can put me out of misery,” she said, “as you no doubt intended to do when you broached my tower. I have lived here long, and I have defended this place from the likes of you just as long. You would come for my treasure, or my eggs, or simply the glory of killing a lonely sea-druid. Which was it that called you across the waves, pink one?”

Sandy shook his head, with every intention of denying the truth of her accusations, but he could not keep his eyes from flickering behind her, to where her nest must be.

She shuddered and coughed again. “My eggs,” she said. “You came for food, is that it? You have the look of a hungry one. But you come alone, which means you must have someone waiting for you back home. Little ones, perhaps? Or a nagging she-man who demands you provide?”

“She does not nag,” said Sandy. “She tries her best as well, but the truth is, neither of us are very good at, well. Anything. But there are little ones. They’re much better than us, or at least better than me. They’re good. They love hearing music. They love to play together, and they’re never cruel. But life here is so hard.”

“Is it?” said the tengu. “Is it hard where you live, on land, surrounded by fishable waters and lush green plants? By neighbors who would help you in hard times? By family and friends? Is it hard there, where you live among others, never driven off a ship when your good luck charms wore off? Or out from a settlement because the humans drew tired of your ways, of your strange smells, of your beady eyes? Is it a hard life for you?”

Sandy’s face grew hot, and he could not look her in her one remaining eye.

When he finally looked up, she had sagged even closer to the ground. Whether he put her out of her misery or not, this creature was not long for the world.

“There is something you can do,” she said. “I have little treasure, but if there is anything in my worldly goods that will help you, you may take them. I am old, but I and all of mine have been fertile all of our days. There’s many of my own kind who make the treacherous trip to this tower as well, to gain the favor of Ruk, the Feathered Druid of the Sea. I have a nest of eggs here, and you may take them as well. You may feed them to your little ones, you beast of a man -- all but one. One egg you must swear to hatch and raise as your own, and you must swear to treat the chick as equal to your little ones. You must not force it to lay its own eggs for you, should it be a maiden. Raise the little birdling as your own, but with full knowledge of who they are and from whence they come. Do that, and the rest of my eggs shall be yours.”

Sandy though it over for merely a moment. What else could he do?

“What’s to ensure I keep my promise?” he said.

“Do the men of the Shackles keep their word?” said Ruk.

“Not most,” said Sandy. “But the good ones do.”

“Then do, if you are a good one,” said the tengu. “If you are not, and you mean to trick me: tell me so, and kill me before I can curse the day you rowed to my tower.”

“And yourself?”

“Leave me be. I may have one last spell in me yet, and I would give myself to the gods under my own power, if I may.”

Sandy agreed, and gathered Ruk’s eggs into a sturdy burlap sack she provided. There was little else useful to him in her tower, though he agreed to take a momento from her that he would pass on to her chick when the little birdling was old enough to understand: a compass, seemingly normal and with no shine or sheen to draw attention to it, but tingly to the touch for reasons Sandy could not understand.

The voyage back to shore seemed even longer than the trip to the tower, and the sound of the tengu druid’s wheezing laugh would not leave Sandy’s ears.

Back home he apologized to Old Edward for the theft of his skiff, but as recompense he gave the old man the largest of the tengu eggs. “You can sell it if you want to,” said Sandy. “It will surely fetch a high price.”

“What will you do with yours?” asked Old Edward.

“Feed my family,” said Sandy. “For a little while, at least.”

He told his wife of the promise he’d made to Ruk, and within a week they were the adoptive parents of a small, screeching black-feathered boy.

“What will we call it?” asked Sandy’s wife.

“Him. At least, I think it’s a him. We’ll call him -- Roy, after an old uncle.”

“But -- he, he’ll not have our last name,” said his wife.

“No, that wouldn’t do,” said Sandy, remembering another part of his promise to the old tengu: that the chick should always know his own origins.

“What was his family’s name?” asked Sandy’s wife.

“I don’t know … he had the head of a raven.”

“Raven, then,” she said. “We’ll call him Roy Raven.”

An Interview With Ben Costa

I just interviewed my friend Ben Costa for the Longbox Project about his life and work in comics. I'm really proud of it! You should go read it.

One of the first things I did when I moved to San Francisco in 2006 was I went to my grad school's meet n' greet. It was pretty scary. I was 27, I'd just moved across the country to attend an MFA writing program in San Francisco, a place I had barely ever visited before. There were writerly introverts, writerly extroverts, intimidating new instructors, and a whole new social world to decipher.

And there, where the sea of humanity parted.

A gangly tall dude with scruffy hair and a Usagi Yojimbo t-shirt.

I had found one of my people.

Ben Costa, Amy Martin, and me, with our comics at APE in 2007. Two of these people went on to be successful comic creators!

When the rest of the CCA gang were going out drinking or carousing or troublemaking over those two years in our MFA program, Ben would hang out for a round (sometimes) or a joke or two after class (usually) and then excuse himself to go home and draw pages from his comic, which then only existed on the web. It was (and still is) called Shi Long Pang, the Wandering Shaolin Monk. Ben was award one of the last Xeric grants to publish the first volume of Pang in hardcover, and earlier this year he successfully Kickstartered volume 2. Ben debuted the new volume at Comic Con 2013, and he's sending out copies to his Kickstarter funders any day now.

Ben's a damn good friend and a weird dude and I like him a lot. I'm hella proud of the work he's done and the manner in which he does it: how he wants, and to exceedingly high standards of quality. Read the interview, read his book, and check out the beard that won him the CCA 2008 beard-growing contest:

Me;  Ben; Ben's Beard; 2008.


Monday, April 22, 2013

Writing About Comics, Writing About Life

The Longbox Project is a site that asks folks to share memories tied to specific issues in their comic book collections. This technically means "Amazing Spider-Man #258 makes me think of...", but it's just as likely to mean "For 25 years I've carried some low-level guilt around about the time I stole something from my big brother, and I finally have an excuse to confess it."


You don't have to be a writer or a writer-about-comics to take part. It's not a comics criticism site so much as a memory project, and the posts tend to be conversational and honest. I wrote a new one that's up today called I Own This about the fairly traumatic period of my life when I moved from Los Angeles to Vermont to Baltimore in the span of 7 months.

What I said about it on Facebook, and what I wrote down on a legal pad as soon as I'd written the first draft of this piece, is "Sometimes you write something and say it's embarrassing because of how cool it makes you look and you want to seem humble. Sometimes you say it's embarrassing because it reveals the kind of asshole you can be. This is the second kind."

So, it feels very revealing to share this story with my friends and the internet-at-large. Kate and I sat on the couch last night before I officially submitted it so she could read and we could talk about it before I showed it to the world. I'd told Kate parts of the story before, but not the version that's presented there. And there are other parts that aren't in the Longbox version (sorry gang, I was already over the word count, but I'm happy to go on about it in person), and I told Kate those parts too.

I was nervous she'd think less of me. But what she said was, "I don't think learning more could make me think less."

So if you like comics, gossip, cross-country moves, Vermont, or confessionals, go read I Own This on the Longbox Project. I wrote it!

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Not the Kickstarter You're Looking For

I found this Kickstarter via io9, which found it via Superpunch, which listed it with little comments aside from "Pathetic kickstarter a from major artists."

It's a proposed illustrated novel by Bill Willingham & Frank Cho, of Fables & various comics featuring cavewomen, respectively. I'm not an active follower of either man's work, but I've got nothing against them either -- Cho draws a wonderfully glamorous She-Hulk, in my personal opinion -- but this is a dreadful Kickstarter.

The project itself makes me think of the Veronica Mars kickstarter from a few weeks back. It sounds perfectly interesting -- in this case, an illustrated novel about the last descendent of Norse gods, and the primate detective she's teamed up with -- but the rewards involved here are pretty paltry. Post cards and thank yous at the lower levels, and 5-minute phone calls as you get up to $100. If you kick in $10k, you can be served dinner by Cho & Willingham. There's no low-level option to donate and get the book, presumably because Willingham & Cho are going to sell this project to a big-name publisher (and get rightfully paid for doing so), but that no doubt introduces complications with regard to giving actual copies of the actual book away.

The specifics of the Veronica Mars project were different, but essentially it was a film being backed by a major studio who didn't want to pay for it. So they asked fans to pay for it, upfront. There's nothing immoral about that, but to me the spirit of Kickstarter is that it allows people to make something they otherwise couldn't, without crowdfunding. With Veronica Mars, the studio could foot the bill upfront -- they just don't want to.

But where they do deliver above and beyond Willingham & Cho is that backers who pledge $35 actually get a digital copy of the movie. With Bifrost, the proposed illustrated novel, the closest equivalent is for backers who pledge $125 -- they get a signed copy of the book. There's no unsigned or digital equivalent for someone who pledges a lower amount. Willingham & Cho are trying to get paid twice for the same book: once now, from fans who want to donate ahead of time in order to win the chance to buy the book on the shelves later, and again from whoever agrees to publish it.

Like the Veronica Mars project, there's nothing immoral or wrong about going about the process this way. This would be a several-years-long process, and as they say on their  page, "this is a Kickstarter project for selecting out the inordinately patient from the rest." But it doesn't sound like it's a project they're especially passionate about, either. Aside from the dreadfully boring video of Willingham describing the project and the process it would involve, the underlying message of this Kickstarter is, here's a project we would do if no other paying gig came up in the meantime, and if fans were willing to throw $30k at us to inspire us give up our downtime to work on it.

There's nothing wrong with asking. But I prefer to back projects that are inspiring, from creators who are willing to put a finished project in their backers' hands.