Barf Poop!

Riding my bike here today I had an imaginary conversation, because I often do when I’m on my bike, because I’m afraid to wear headphones and I don’t even have any anymore anyway. I said, “No, my girlfriend couldn’t make it today. She’s taking our* cat to the vet.”

“Oh? How come?”

“Liver disease.”

Fappo!

And then, to alleviate the bummerhood of liver disease, I say this:

“She’s been staying in the bathroom since she started feeling sick. It’s gotten pretty gross in there. She peed in there today, in the corner, like under or next to the water dish. That’s my fault, because she’s still well enough to use the box, but when I leave wet food on the floor I shut the door so the other cats can’t get to it, but then she can’t get to the box. So, aside from cat puke and messy cat food there’s also cat pee. It’s so disgusting we** renamed it Grosstown, California. We put up a sign***. It has its own zip code, even.”

“What is it?”

“The zip code?”

“Yeah.”

First attempt:

“0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – Poop.”

Second attempt:

“9 – 4 – 6 – 0 – Poop.”

Third attempt:

“9 – 4 – 6 – Barf – Poop.”

And then I wrote this song:

9 – 4 – 6 – Barf – Poop
You know what to do
9 – 4 – 6 – Barf – Poop
It’s the zip code of my bathroom!
9 – 4 – 6 – Barf – Poop
There’s cat pee there too
9 – 4 – 6 – Barf – Poop
Bein’ there gets me blue
(Breakdown)
Ohhhh, I don’t wanna take a shower there
Cause I get cat crumbs on my feet in there
There’s also a lot of cat hair in there
I useta-useta like to read in there
(Bring the beat back!)
9 – 4 – 6 – Barf – Poop
You know what to do. . . .


*My cat? Lola is six and mostly mean to everyone else, but she and Amy have gotten along great since the move.

**I did this alone.

***Not true.