Things I Learned in College

All quotes from the instructor of "Dinosaurs and More! Geology Explored."

"You can picture it at length . . . let's say you're into length."

"I do know a fair amount about radiation and some of the dangers."

"I wouldn't want to put this in my pocket, uh, near my, uh, my genitals for several hours, uh . . . that would be no good."

"What do you do if you want to get from Chicago to Los Angeles? You get in your car, or on your bicycle--which I've done--and you go."

"It has that nice smell, if you're into pine tar."

"What's this?

. . . dino poo!"

"Swallow yourself a whole carrot, what are you gonna find the next day?" (looks behind him) "A whole carrot! You think you're gonna get much vitamin A from that?"

"Going home and concentrating very intently is a good use of your raw emotion."

"Lifting images is fine, it's how we create something."

"Obviously you don't have to draw, if you're not an artist, as I am not. Well, not in the drawing sense, you'll hear my guitar playing and maybe judge . . . uh, accordingly."

"Scientists are bad . . . bad, bad, bad."

"Rattlesnakes are not a predator. I've got pictures of me taunting a rattlesnake. I'll bring 'em in."

"In my delinquent days I'd go down to the railroad tracks . . . and the rocks without fossils . . . " (feigns throwing something) ". . . at the trains!"

"I'm just makin' a perpendicular . . . heh!"

"And that includes alligators. Everyone always asks me, 'what about alligators?'" (squints eyes, nods very fast) "Same . . . family."

"Watch a lizard, they're . . . they're boppin' all over the place."

"If you have a hinged ankle you're gonna walk like THIS . . . like THIS . . . and I'm not trying to make fun of people who have a . . . perpetual deformity . . ."

(in a weird Japanese accent) "Ve are coming to take you ovah! So sorry!"

"So it's good that Artie made it out drinking Miller . . . not that I had no, uh, alcoholic material with me, uh, probably, when I was . . . camping."

"They are herbivores, so they what? Smoked herb, no, they ate plants."

"He's gonna go *chomp* and you're gonna go *spin* and turn your head toward him? What?"

"Mating? I don't see how it's gonna help with mating. During the act? I dunno."

"Here, smell this piece of underwear and track down the thing."

"Our ties were about THIS long because we wanted the BIGGEST, THICKEST knots we could possibly have."

"Remember, don't do bad drugs, that's the motto of my life . . . I'm supposed to be the adult influence in your life."

"Stay up late at night, good things happen when you're up late at night."

"How many of you have taken Rover for a walk and found him eating the dead, flattened, dry squirrel in the street?"

"Do I care what's behind me if I'm a T-rex? Nooo. Because I'm gonna kick its butt."

"What's a good walking pace, what do you think? About three miles per hour, that's a good one. I can do about three and a half."

"It makes scientists think that some dinosaurs were warm-blooded--I'll put hot-blooded here, because it sounds cooler."