The winds were mighty and the women mightier . . . some of my friends and associates from the States might be scared off by a little leg hair, but not your fearless narrator, my friends! Not I!
My apologies to any who have been anxiously awaiting an update, but I fear I must report that pirate ships are more often than not unequipped with the latest in wireless internet technology. I know, I was surprised as well. Though not as surprised as when I was plucked from the galley and asked to join the crew--though I certainly felt in my mind that my own bulging muscles were more impressive than some of my captors', I was surprised and pleased to find that the captain of the ship, Long John Seymour, had noticed as well. Sure, it was a little awkward sharing a bunk at first--but we're men of the sea, by Christ! We managed to overcome our initial discomfort and we soon got down to the business of robbing and plundering innocent merchant vessels.
Long John Seymour (LJS) is the best! He has an eyepatch that he even lets some of the other lads wear at night after the work is done and we're unwinding over mugs of applesauce. And when you're drinking applesauce, just forget about using a straw, folks--it doesn't work that well in the first place, and the other pirates will totally make fun of you. FYI.
And remember the hairy-legged girls I mentioned? Well boy-oh-boy, is there a story there! But I'll have to get back to you on that in a bit--LJS is coming this way and he's looking for someone to dig up some treasure. Gotta run!
Matt the Terrible