Tuesday, August 17, 2010

11. Memory

Originally posted May 7, 2008

It's the weather that does it -- the sun on the back of my neck -- and the way summertime smells, even in far away California. The days are back to being bright, and it seems like the sky stretches out farther than you can see. Maybe it's the illusion of a cloudless sky over ocean, the first time I've lived next to such a thing, but just because it's an illusion doesn't make it real. What I mean to say is: old feelings are rising.

Not in the way of nostalgia. It's unfair to compare and contrast in situations like this, but it's a thing I can't help. (Or choose not to help, maybe.) Sometimes when I'm feeling clever I say "I like to make brand new mistakes every time," and it's a jokey thing to say, a kind of brag, or something that's meant to impress. But it's also (secretly) a thing that I mean to be true.

I'm often surprised, in spite of myself, by the ways that history repeats.

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