Monday, April 26, 2004

Q: How do you deal with incredibly annoying people?

A: Sit around the table with six to seven friends who have nothing else to do on a Friday evening. Settle on an annoying situation, in this case, neighbors having loud sex. Commence to filming a couple's reactions to said loud sex; again, in this case, begin with incredulity. Are they really that loud? Snap the newspaper, because it's funny. Move on to anger. Do you want any eggs? Yeah. Whatever. Peel the banana, and lock eyes, and yes, and yes, and run out of the room. No, go back for the butter! No, go back for the nanners! And then, off-screen sex of your own.

Call your friends. Tell them to come over--nono, take your time, they'll be at it all day. It's some sort of Tantric thing. Pop some popcorn, bring in the beer, cheer on that final orgasm. After the friends have left, and before you drift off to sleep, ask your lover if he'll wear the eyepatch tonight. Only if you walk the plank, he'll tell you.

With the video finished, move onto the audio. First just two, normal sex, but a little nasty towards the end. Then some noises--the floor creaking, pounding on the wall. Then more sex, bringing in five people altogether, because there are five people available to fake it. Don't make eye contact while the audio is being recorded, because it's a little uncomfortable.

Then edit. At some point, break for tacos. Then break for a nap, around 7AM, even though you know it's a bad idea. Reconvene by two to finish the editing by three, and even though you're entirely happy with it, the deadline is NOW, and the tape has to be dropped off. Go to the screening, feel glad that yours was cleverer than most even though it had its own issues, and make sure you do a better job next time. Even if you'd won, you should make sure you do a better job next time.

It was a good time. It generally is when you stay up all night and have a finished project the next day.

The Fast Forward Film Festival.

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