Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Corky = Corey?

You say "Corky" and I think of kids with Down's Syndrome. I GUESS I'M A JERK. It's a good thing Meredith is around to set me straight:

By Mer

As a female child, I was indoctrinated in the ways of mooning over boys by the hallowed elder of fan magazines: Tiger Beat. Those monthly pinups took a place of honor in my TrapperKeeper: the boys from New Kids on the Block (Jordan was the dreamiest), Neil Patrick Harris (before he came out of the closet), and of course, the Coreys. All Lost Boys and coked out, those Coreys set the standard of hot. Edgy, cocky, yet so vulnerable on the inside.

Sometime in the early nineties, before I realized how much of a tool I was for a) having a TrapperKeeper and b) listening to New Kids, that Bible of teen stardom announced an addition to the Corey clatch. A man by the name of Corin Nemic-Corky, as it were. Ooo. An edgy nickname. Very much like a Greek conjugation: from the root of "Cor" meaning "80s/90s heartthrob." This is, of course, before "Corky" from Life Goes On, the "specially abled" Corky who taught us all how to love and laugh. Especially at Down's Syndrome. But, no. This was the first Corky. And how I loved him, his floppy hair. His Roman nose. His secret $2000 a week cocaine habit that he and the other Coreys indulged in after hours at the Viper Club.

Corky, of course, first broke into stardom as "token white friend" of that strange runt Emmanuel Lewis on Webster. He went on to star in such TV movies as I Know My Name is Steven, where his harrowing portrayal of sexual abuse and kidnapping victim Steven shook America to its core. As he aged, and acquired a leather jacket and friendship with Mr. Haim and Mr. Feldman, he landed himself that plum role as Parker Lewis in the like titled Parker Lewis Can't Lose! No, he can't. Not with Corky in the lead. He could be both rakish and lovable, that prankster with a heart of gold. Ferris Bueler for the new generation. Of course, FOX canceled it, but its cult status rivals that of The Lost Boys, but with less vampires. It's not Goonies, but can you actually name anything that fucking Haim was in? No. No you can't.

We all know Feldman was the ringleader; what we need to accept is that Corky Nemic was as much a follower as the man called Haim.

Where is Corky Nemic now? Dwindling on the C-List, passing around a joint with Haim, waiting for that phone call asking him to be on The Surreal Life. Don't worry, baby. They'll be on the horn soon enough, asking you to please, share your awesome Corey power with the world. Switch that "e" for a "k"-hey, that's a-okay with me. And Tiger Beat, proclaiming Corkey a Corey. So what have we learned? Parker Lewis Can't Lose!, yes. And with enough drugs, turned up jacket collars, and the acceptance of Feldman, you too can be a Corey.

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